The Marginalian · People & society

The Paradoxes of Personal Change

Psychoanalyst Adam Phillips explores our complex relationship with change, highlighting our simultaneous desire for it and apprehension about its unknown outcomes.

The desire for change is often met with ambivalence because we struggle to envision ourselves after a profound transformation. True change, Phillips suggests, frequently arises not from deliberate will but from despair when current circumstances become unbearable.

Phillips examines how we define and pursue change, noting that 'getting better' involves understanding what we aim to improve. Our life narratives, whether progress-oriented or focused on loss, shape our understanding of change.

Change often serves as a coping mechanism for internal contradictions. Phillips views the 'self' as inherently divided, constantly managing conflicting versions and representations of itself.

Historically, the need to resolve inner conflicts has led to concepts like conversion, which demands change but often fails to resolve underlying issues, as seen in figures like Paul and Augustine.

Modern skepticism towards dramatic personal change stems from this ambivalence. The capacity for change is constrained by unchosen variables, and even when possible, choosing *what* to change is difficult due to our inherent self-opacity.

Relationships are a significant site of change. Drawing on Donald Winnicott, Phillips suggests that true dependence, unlike addiction or entrapment, requires an openness to surprise and an acceptance of uncertainty.

Ultimately, the wish to change is a fundamental desire to live fully. As Virginia Woolf noted, 'A self that goes on changing is a self that goes on living.'

AI-samenvatting op basis van de bron.